Mis-Cookham Dean and the Tiller Girls.  Here is the video evidence…

If you need to ask which one is me then I have not exposed myself enough in the past….

Number 4 in the Mis-Cookham Dean and the dancer on the right as the tiller girls enter the stage..

You may notice that this is not a typical rugby stance and you would be right.  It is more like a quarterback preparing to pass.

In case you are unaware what Tough Guy is look here.

Three of use decided to go on a cross country run, locally and then test our clothing in the River Thames.  The run was through the woods and fields locally which are either very muddy or still totally frozen with a mixture in many areas.  The River Thames on the other hand is quite full and very very cold!

So if you happened to be near the Thames in Cookham earlier today and saw three runners, suddenly detour into the river, run in, run about and then swim for a bit, that was us. 

Strangely after a couple of dips (I bottled the request of full submersion, but credit to Giles and Pete) the water didn’t seem quite so cold.  However our nuts thought differently and must have shriveled to the size of frozen peas.  It seems like the extremities have a better sense of water temperature than we did.

We have discovered that thermal rash vests (used for surfing in cold water) are remarkable good at retaining body heat and will come in very useful for the event in a couple of weeks time.

So instead I built a horse.  (With red onions for he eyes)

The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.

The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely ‘impeckable’ (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.
The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called ‘impeckable’ tree almost without breaking a sweat.
Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?
After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:

Apparently, a famous golfer was right, when he said, your pecker gets harder when you’re away from home.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let’s get the Bastards" They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military capability. It’s not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels – from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister’s bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Australia will come and rescue us". In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She’ll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!’, "I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Both Mum and Dad served our country and I am very proud of them.

Opening – set the scene, cut to the “post office”

Bridging scene – Jack and the beans

Scene 2 – Goldilocks and the Three Bears

Scene 3 – Thriller

Final scene – Up bean stalk with the giant

That’s all folks!